Taxi Driver Online

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

Subject: The Moral Question Test

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION:
You are in London. There is chaos all around you caused by severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper owned by the Murdoch Empire. You are caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos.
There are houses and people swirling around you, many disappearing into the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST:
Suddenly, you see a man in the water.
He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer.
Somehow, the man looks familiar.
You suddenly realise who he is.
It's the Muslim Cleric, Abu Hamza, the one-eyed, hook-handed bar steward who hates non-Muslims and wants the UK to become an Islamic State!!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever!
You have two options:
1. You can save the life of Abu Hamza.
2. Or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most revolting, despised, evil, hated and reviled men!

NOW THE MORAL QUESTION:
Here's the moral question and please give an honest yet spontaneous answer;
Would you select?
a) Kodak Elite Chrome Extra Color film, or Fuji Pro 160C or 160S, or Fuji Fortia for colour prints?
b) Fuji Velvia 100, or Fuji Agfa ULTRA 100 for colour slides?
c) Kodak Professional TRI-X 400/400TX Black-and-White film and go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
d) Kodak's T400 CN film and develop the film in normal C-41 (color negative) chemistry to produce your prints in olde-worlde sepia?

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

You're bad, but, funny

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

I would have gone digital!

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Grandad,

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, "Are you really going to let him get away with this?" "No, I guess not," says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there.

So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, "Why did you let him do that?!!"

To this God says, "Who's he going to tell?"

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimmingpool, Ralph suddenly Jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?'


Happy Mental Health Day!

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

That's another keyboard sprayed with coffee!

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Grandad,

Subject: Liverpool and scousers

A Liverpool girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the welfare officer.
"Ten" replies the Liverpool girl,
"Ten?" says the welfare worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and
Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Liverpool girl, "It's great because if they are out
playing in the street, I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!'
or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.”
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare
worker.
"That's easy," says the Liverpool girl... "I just use their surnames"


A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take that red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."


Q. What do you call a 27 year old Liverpool girl?
A. Granny.


Q. What do you call a Liverpool girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.


Q. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.


Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman..


Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day


Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Liverpool ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!


A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up
to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing.
We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to
drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The
hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort
the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is
£200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well, you started it!'


Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a
suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disc.

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

A couple of old gents were golfing one day, when one of the men mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures the next morning. His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

'Is that so?' the first old gentleman asked. 'Did he do a good job?'

The second gent replied, 'Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a
fellow on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at
least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles.'

The first old guy was confused and asked, 'What does that have to do with your dentures?'

The second man answered, 'That was the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt.'

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

I'm so glad I'm from Wirral Mr Brummie, good jokes tho

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful
when erect.

P N E S I

Scroll down for answer













People who wrote SPINE became doctors...

The rest are all my e-mail friends...

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My heart is heavy, but my consience clear,
I voted Yes, without any fear.

How to tell the salesman that the bikini he is trying to sell you is too small;

http://funnystuff-mcyue.blogspot.co.uk/ ... s-too.html

_________________
Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.

Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.