Taxi Driver Online

A warm welcome to another show to all my bairns, eh ken there's a lot o yooz oot there ev no humped yet but ! wull tak care o that when em God. Let's start with some letters fae the unfortunates o ma kingdom.

Dear Eck, I am writing to ask if you could fix it fir me. Ma pocket is always empty, eh seem to work non stop n get aboot ten bob efter daeing a 75 hoor week drevving ma Taxi. Could you make my life easier by changing the hoors in a day to 35 so eh cood maybe manage to go hame wi enuf to buy a basket full o stuff aff the reduced to clear shelves in Tescos.

Cheers Eck.

Eck says, Nae bawther big man, once eh become master o the universe n get a mention on Corrie, Bob's yer ma's brither ! Me an King Kenny Mac wull mak sure o it by, making wind powered Taxis {the way we see it is. if we kin keep oor puss shut fir half an hoor} there shud be enuf energy tae power twa hundred Taxis so, you kin save aw the doh you pay fir juice also, King Kenny's got a stoting idea to release every prisoner in oor jails on tae the streets which shud mak ye busier n boost the Sunbed shops demand n oor kingdom.

Eck.

Remember...if we kin fix..we can.

Could you possibly translate this into English?

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Former taxi driver

Why? it is the Scottish section

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

Or maybe even something that resembles a real Scottish dialect..

Ye dinna get tae Dundee affa offen, div ye?

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http://wingsoverscotland.com/ http://www.newsnetscotland.com/

Been there once...and once was enuff.

Dundee is one of those places, when you arrive, you first thought is "When can I leave?" The only place I like less than Dundee, is bloody Aberdeen.

Dundee is one of those places where the prettiest woman is probably your mother

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin

Don't feel you have to bother ...

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Skull, "You are a police inspector, aren't you?"
Cab Inspector Smith, "Yes."
Skull, "So, are you going to tell Mr Taylor what his rights are?"
Smith, "And ... What rights?"

noo then noo then noo then, hoos aboot that then, eurgh eurgh eurgh