Taxi Driver Online

I thought I saw a licensing officer actually out of the office checking cars and drivers the other day

My mistake he was just getting a taxi home !

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

'White Men Can't Jump'

But we can get a taxi at three in the morning

BBC News: Bad drivers to face £100 fines

Seems a bit sexist

Breaking News: 'Men Who Rape Will Be Named'

excellent , can I have 'Nightstriker' or has that already been taken?

My mates just bought a VW, bet he's fuming.

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter was in a big city. The mother was trying to hail a cab when her daughter noticed several scantily dressed women loitering on a street corner. The mother finally hailed a cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asked her mother "Mummy, what are all those ladies waiting for on the corner?". The mother replied "those ladies are waiting for their husbands to return home from work". The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says "Ah c'mon lady. Tell your daughter the truth, for crying out loud. They're hookers!" A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks "Mummy, do those ladies have any children?" The mother replies, "Of course dear, where do you think cabbies come from?"

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Note to self: Just because it pops into my head does NOT mean it should come out of my mouth!!

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of builders turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those wa nkers at Jewsons deliver the fu cking bricks on time.'

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Common sense........is just not that Common.

"And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time"

There won't be much food, peace or a cure for AIDS either, but I'm sure its the lack of snow that really gets them down

I got a call off the police today telling me my wife had been involved in a car accident.

"Is she okay?" I asked, worriedly.

"Well, she does have a couple of big bumps and a very large gash." he replied.

"I know that, but is she injured in any way?"

I've been invited round a neighbours for a Christmas drink with nibbles.

honestly.. they treat that fooking cat like royalty

Picked up a lady one evening. When we got to her destination she said sorry driver I've forgotten my purse, at which point she hitched up her skirt and said ,how about I pay with this. I had to tell her I've just started I don't have change for something that big.

Did you see the documentary on backsides the other night.
It's in two parts but they're showing the w hole of it next week.

A guy got in my cab last night with a bag of shopping.
Out of the blue he took 2 litres of milk out the bag took the lid off and poured it all over the carpet.
Then he took a big tub of yoghurt out and poured it all over the seats.
Then took a pack of butter out and smeared it all over the windows.
Then poured cream in the pay tray,opened the door and ran off without paying throwing a block of cheddar at my cab.
I was fuming, seriously, how fukking dairy.

Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a Dead Man with a hard on, the 1st Nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him. The 2nd Nurse does the same. The 3rd Nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway. Then the Man sits up & the Nurses apologize saying they thought he was dead. The Man replies 'I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fookin great!!!'

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Grandad,