Taxi Driver Online

I was sat on a packed bus when this woman said to me, "Excuse me, why don't you let this heavily pregnant woman laden with bags of shopping sit down?." "Why the fuck should I? " I said, "I've paid my fare the same as her, besides, she can sit down when we get home."

I was in Tesco today with 2 trolleys full of shopping and booze, an old lady stood behind me in the queue with a pint bottle of milk. "Is that all you've got love? " I asked her. "Yes" said the little old lady , So I did the decent thing and turned to her and said "I'd fuck off to another till love, I'm gonna be fucking ages!"

Took a bird with rickets home last night. Cracking legs

As we've got older, my wife and I have both lost a few teeth. I didn't brush mine very often. She nagged me about it

Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister's chauffeur driven car. Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur : " You get out and check - you were driving." The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. " You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, I can't afford to be blamed for anything. The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face. " My God, what happened to you ?" asks Nicola. The chauffeur replies : " When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap up meal and the daughter made love to me." " What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola. I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them, I'm Nicola Sturgeon's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow."

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Kind regards,

Brummie Cabbie.

Type a message, post your news,
Disagree with other members' views;
But please, do have some decorum,
When debating on the TDO Forum.

wor lass shouts upstairs " what the fook you doing on that computer ? come down & spend some time with me ffs, i said to her , " ffs man fook off, im looking for cheap flights " "I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly undressed and we had great sex... ...which is odd because she's never shown any interest in darts before

I'm in trouble with the wife.
We were in bed and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.
Apparently "Identify it" wasn't the right answer.....

Fell asleep at a party last night. Some wise @rse put a flippin Teabag into my open mouth.

I went mental.

No-one treats me like a Mug......

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

The stunning blonde dressed in nothing more than a thong and negligee, let the plumber in. "Hello, is your husband not in?" He asked, "Does it look like he is in?" She replied opening her negligee, "will I not do?" "No, not really," he said, "I need your car reversing out of the drive."

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

I got hit on the head with a can of coke the other day but it was alright it didn't hurt because it was a soft drink

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Did you hear about the magic tractor ? It drove down the road and turned into a field!

used to love tractors me when i was a bairn, went to meets/took photos & had tractor posters all over my bedroom wall, i dont do it now like, im a "ex tractor fan"

I was so encouraged to see hundreds of muslim women linking arms in Westminster to show solidarity against extremism. If anything is going to change Islam, its the opinions of their women