Taxi Driver Online

And he drives for Uber

There, that's better!

Saw this one and thought trotsky would like it I assume he looks even if he no longer posts

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Hot Air Balloon joke 2...

Chap wins a balloon ride in a raffle, cycles 20 miles to the airfield but its foggy....

He insists on the ride so up they go but very soon the ground cant be seen..

The pilot descends and is peering and leans over the edge of the basket and does a big sweep with his arm and hand and sniffs the air and says...

"Hull.... I can smell fish"

Later, he does the same again, "Pennines, I can smell sheep"

again later he does it and after sniffing he says "Liverpool"

The raffle winner says "how the feck do you know, did you smell anything?"

The pilot replies............no, some barstward knicked my wristwatch"

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

I was sat reading this afternoon, when a book landed on my head. I have only my shelf to blame

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Dianne Abbott has just been asked about the Carillion situation, her reply was:

"Just exactly how many is a Carillion?"

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

About £1.5 billion.

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Grandad,

Me and the missus have great make-up sex. When she's out I stick her lipstick up my ar$e !

I had a terrible nights sleep last night, had a nightmare and dreamt I was a fruit machine. The wife had to nudge me and hold me!

A woman buys a wall mirror from B&Q. The attendant says "Would you like a screw for that?" She replies "No, but I"d suck your cock for a Lawnmower!"

Old womans 2 little dogs die so she takes the bodies to the taxidermist


he asks "would you like them mounted"

she says "no, standing side by side will do"

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Of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind the most

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the

Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their
Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke.
'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more
than a day or two..'

'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out
of here alive, would you do something for me?'

'Anything, Father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see
yours.'

'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm'

The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely
breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.......she consented and he
fondled them for several minutes.

'Father, could I ask something of you?'

'Yes, Sister?'

'I have never seen a man's appendage. Could I see yours?'

'I suppose that would be OK,' the priest replied lifting his robe.

'Oh Father, may I touch it?'

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a
huge erection.

'Sister, you know that if I insert my appendage in the right place, it can
give life.'

'Is that true Father?'



'Yes, it is, Sister.'

'Oh Father, that's wonderful ... Stick it in the camel and let's get the
.... out of here!'

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to emigrate to the United States.

In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.

Chu became Chuck
Bu became Buck
Hu became Huck
Su and Fu decided to stay in China

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

The structure of the wall was incorrect,

So he got three grand from Claims Direct.

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector