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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 3:14 pm 
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My little speech begins with the words: "I know no one likes me and I have accepted that, for the moment." ;-)

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 5:02 pm 
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Jochen Lembke wrote:
I´d like to present my new vid, where I have sped up the whole procedure of road-telling to 31 minutes, for the whole town-map of Brighton & Hove, roughly 3000 roads, streets, closes etc., all without any help, just from out of my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0G1JnKKrmc

Defo 10 out of 10 for that. =D>

Jochen Lembke wrote:
Now, I have also recorded a video with a little speech, addressing all of you here and other interested, you are welcomed to watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG4JiAGmi8A

I couldn't disagree more with you on that.

I'm 100% certain there is no anti German feeling here, not saying that might not have been the case 20/30/40 years ago, but time is a healer.

We might take the pi** out of some German people and traditions, but that's not personal, in my opinion, it's merely banter.

Jochen Lembke wrote:
Best regards to the Forum, Jochen Lembke

Same to you, and you keep taking those pills. :D

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 6:22 pm 
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Well, thank you, Sussex.

I am pleased that you aknowledge my shere contribution (despite all the quarrels we had) to the cab trade in general and specifically to Brighton & Hove and i am sure in time they all will in this town. You know my dream is that one day I will have a road named after me ;-) or just a small close would be ok.

And I truly hope that I will have the chance for a come back, because I miss Brighton and the job terribly!

Moreover, I didn´t say Germans are no liked but.. well let s best keep politics out of this, YouTube offers a platform for a debate as well.

So hopefully i will soon be able to return and, yeah, we´ll see, what next!

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 7:16 pm 
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And no pills, Sussex, just hard work. Years, and years!

I´ve been new to Brighton, I´ve been learning it´s roads now for 13 years, from zero to hero ;-), hard work and an iron will, if not to say fierce, if not terrible will, for I sometimes thought this is killing me, this is too much for me, sometimes i couldn´t sleep because of that, sometimes I even had anxiety attacks.

But the brain is the most amazing thing, now it feels like a rush, like a drug my brain feeds on, I feel euphoric each time when I go through the map like this.

It was just like coming to England after being a professional driver on the other side of the road for so long and you thought, oh my, I will have to drive carefully and then, suddenly, like someone throws a switch - there, the same routine, the same practise and security, everything just mirrored by your brain!

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 15, 2019 7:50 am 
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Now, as promised another vid of me, rattling down the roads with my eyes closed. Might be a bit boring to watch, so just for proof and demonstration. For it is much tougher than being guided by my drawing it´s 40 minutes, but I will keep working on it to get it under 30 minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrYwqM9PjOw
They nicked the old channel for I was a bad boy, so this is reupload.

This other vid is more entertaining, it´s about my h2g2-sequel and that this whole "me-being-right-and generally-very-special-business" upsets a lot of down-to-the-Earth-people, makes them think I am a t***. Well, I try my best to be at least an entertaining and funny t*** and not the pain-in-the-ar-se-kind of t***.

(presently unavailable)

It addresses all interested on this forum and refers to the picture below, clearly demonstrating I am a very special and important t***.

Image

I have tried to link to the pictures I have taken, but they come out too big, so I have to add the quotes in writing.

It says: "... the web is teeming with h2g2-fan fiction outpourings, usually develloping neglected aspects of the story, such as the day-to-day-life of a teaser, who visits planets that have not made interstellar contact, with the sole aim of scaring the inhabitants. While some of them are pretty dreadful, other writers are both witty and articulate and it´s all (at least mostly) harmless.
You´ll have to look far and wide, however, to find fan fiction on quite the scale of ... (refers to long deleted site of mine), the site is owned by a German taxi driver named Jochen Lembke, who has written an unsolicited sixth Hichhiker´s novel, entitled "42´s the answer, but what´s the question anyway?"
A 42-chapter story that begins with a bull-dog owning Arthur Dent clad in a Union Jack costume and ranting against the "riff-raff of foreigners", it remains unpublished, except on this blog.
Having apparently submitted the manuscript to the late Adams´ agent on several occasions, however, Lembke insists that the subsequent assignment of Eoin Colfer to the official sixth Hitchhiker´s novel is "a scandal", one he has sworn to fight with a "media campaign of intergalatic size, a cry for justice, so to speak in a shark´s business". Watch this space."

So, basically, this all demonstrates both outstanding road-knowledge and language capabilities for a foreigner who wasn´t born in this country and by moral right they ought to give the licence back, but to quote an English friend of mine (the few I have) they will still be "anal" about it.

So the next time will show - will they give me the licence back? Will I be able do it again? Or will I be able to make a career of it´s own by all that by now and will come back to England anyway?

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 05, 2020 1:19 pm 
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The end is nigh!

I mean… seriously, this world has become one huge big mess over the last decade, everything has gotten completely out of hand, but I - just - can´t - get - my - licence - back? Despite me being such a good boy and all, doing cute doggie tricks????

I mean ARE YOU FOR REAL?

The Earth will crumble! The Heavens will fall! Jesus will appear one last time (mm, really bad for those who didn´t believe in him, like they say, (for those will burned to a nice fine crisp, right), the ghost of Neil Armstrong will appear on the moon, waving sadly, his favorite bird, the parrot, on the shoulder (you know, for it repeats every line you feed it, but can fly jack-s_hit) apologising one last time, for it was all a hoax (while Aldrin speedily buzzes by, chased by devils) and the stars will fall - but in all this mess of the apocalypse! Brighton & Hove HCO! Will! Make! A last stand (and firmly say, "well, at least this Lembke-type hasn´t gotten his way, who does he think he is, anyway, right!? So obviously it wasn´t all that bad!"), just before they will also crumble and vanish into a dark hole (or into the Restaurant at the End of the Universe (mmm, certainly a lot of my DA fans will enjoy THAT bit (or hate me even further, ha. Of course then I would be hurled there too, by some meaningless cosmic coincidence and we´d have a final chance to sit down at a table, enjoy the show (and also sort out our issues, haha!))

Anyway, good thing we will be replaced by robots soon, maybe they can fix the mess we´re in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqOPt9gNuY4

(stay tuned there will be another upload here soon about my newest plans)

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:52 pm 
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Happy hundred-thousand, soon!

Soon it´ll be one-hundred-thousand hits on this thread - who is going to be the one who hits it? ;-)

Well, you see, it´ll be soon one million, I promise, because you see - that´s what it is all about here:
Why is it so damn important to enforce the law to an almost absurd level on just one poor guy from Germany, when at the same time the rights of the British people, laid down in written law and in the vows of politicians to live in a free and indepent country FOR the British people - is just being stamped on?

Why is this country so much on it´s knees, instead of being a proud country with just a few hand selected foreign friends, who love this country as much they love their own and not trying to take over and change it according to their own needs, but wish to preserve it, like it had been the very first time they had been there!

What is going on in this world?

And this is perfectly well demonstrated here, so keep sharing!

I love this country and I stand with you and I wish you all the best, my British friends!

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:10 pm 
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You will be pleased to note that B&H council are changing the street testing section of the application process to one of multiple choice.

So there is hope for you after all. :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 9:09 am 
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Actually it would help. :-)

For that´s my weak spot now, I can rattle down all the roads blind-folded, draw the entire map from out of my head, but - snap a road at me and I might go blank.

But make it multiple choice and I´ll be 100%.

Of course it will only take 2 weeks of training to help that.

But we are all dinosaurs anyway, Sussex, soon we will all be replaced by AI, it´ll be much safer with them, hassle-free and they never go the long way. Moreover, their programing will allow them a little chit-chat about weather, sports and women (or men, depending on the sex of the passenger) and accent-free all that of course.

For Brighton passengers they might also have a gay/lesbian mode. ;-)

Possible AI-cab-talk!

With male passenger: "you are perfectly right, Ken, all women are scum!!"
With female passenger: "you are perfectly right, Linda, all men are scum!!"

That´s why our days are counted, folks, we can´t cope with that! ;-)

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2023 11:22 am 
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Hi everybody!
You don´t think I have given up?
I never give up and especially not on this one!

https://youtu.be/LUn4EXJp1kg

So here´s roughly 3000 roads, streets, avenues, closes... in under 28 minutes, from out of my head, without looking on any town-map - 17 minutes faster than my last video! This is my present level, recorded 30.8.2023, today!

Of course this is still just the beginning.
I will now take up drawing again and try to draw as fast and accurate as possible, the final aim is to draw and tell the road-names as I draw!

Tomorrow or so I will add a longer text.

So I hope everybody is well and I apologise for not having the time to participate in this forum in the other topics.

Regards, Jochen Lembke

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2023 2:00 pm 
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Delighted to see that you are still going strong.

But maybe there will come a time when you should consider moving on.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2023 4:16 pm 
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Oh I have moved on, I am not planning on coming back to the UK. You don´t think this is still about B&H HCO and the job? It has become much more. So much more. Let me tell you all about it tomorrow. I know, I know, no one in the trade is enthused about this, nor was at any point in time, most people never cared one way or another, but that´s because cabbies never see beyond their takings of the current week. I never had any support here, I know, and I am not asking for any. But it is still here where it began.

That´s the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I´m setting the example. And what I have done... is gonna be puzzled over and studied and followed... forever.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:20 pm 
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Quote:
but that´s because cabbies never see beyond their takings of the current week.

That's because feeding their families and keeping their homes take precedence over everything else.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:36 pm 
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No, it doesn´t! Then everybody would act differently! I am through with cab-drivers, they are the only ones responsible for their badly managed trade! I have tried to talk sense into drivers for 40 years now, all in vain and I have given up on it! Don´t give me this crap! What they are basically doing instead is nurturing their neuroses and avoiding solutions by driving around, blindly, numbing themselves! You can´t nurture a family by driving a cab!

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2023 12:44 pm 
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So this is the text.

"Hello, everybody reading or watching,

this is probably one of the most fascinating and maybe even touching stories you have ever heard and it´s not one of these hollywood stories, it´s a true story.

It´s at first, of course, a boy-meets-girl-under-a-silver-moon-and-then-the-moon-explodes story (a Douglas Adams quote and yes it has a lot to do with him), it´s the story about a guy - a nice guy, who believed in love and justice - who´s love was so great, that he wanted to give his girl the sun and the moon, if they were his to give (which they aren´t of course, it´s just an expression romantic fools love), it´s the story of his greatest love and joy and yet - at the same time, the story of his deepest and darkest despair.

(For, we don´t live in the times of Shakespearean romanticism no more, we live in the times of Meeto, feminism and wokism, in times Snow-White tells the prince, who had kissed her to get lost, that he "is a stalker" and that she never "consented to this kiss", which was "forced" on her.)

Well, so far, you still may think, you´ve read a lot of stories like this, but this is only where it begins.

So, the boy, and yes it´s me, the author of this story, met this girl and charmed her with a nicely done CD full of romantic cover-songs first - for I am sure not all too bad with the guitar and singing, though of course I still am an amateur - and so we dated and hugged and fell in love, but there were other guys of course - there are always other guys - and she kept me waiting, then.

So, of course, I wrote her a song, with the catchy phrase "I´m waiting, filled with longing, I´m waiting for a year, I´m waiting for half of my life, for I love you so much" and I also - for I am a writer - wrote her an entire book, for that´s what writers do, especially, when they are madly in love.

Again, you perhaps may think, well, yes, this is what artists do, they write their girls songs, they write their girls books, right, instead of working 9-5, like all others do. But - wait!

Anyway, artists are mostly poor, so was I, and so she was not that much amused about me not having finished my medical studies and becoming a trained masseur, instead (I mean, isn´t that what women always dream about, to have their own masseur?), and neither impressed her my four novels about cab-driving, that were so nicely written, that even our - leftist, admittedly - ex-foreign minister, who had also been a cab-driver like me, found them highly amusing.

(Oh, now you see! Who wants a cab-driver, even if he claims to be the, rightfully, most famous one in the world!)

Again, nor was she impressed by my re-translations of all five volumes of the Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams, there we go - nor my, unauthorised, sixth volume, that I had just freshly written, nor my English translation of it, for the book was originally written in German, for - you may have guessed already, why else would I write and talk in English - I am German. (So excuse me, if this language here may seems a little odd from time to time, it´s not my odd personality, it´s that I am not a native speaker.)

Yes, I was right in the process of translating this sequel, when I met her!

Translating the second best H2G2-sequel ever written (or else money back, hahah) - into English, when I met this ("kratzbürstige", we say) scratchy, but otherwise very charming young lady, in Germany, I met her, of course, and though I had already planned to go to England to become an international cab-driving writer, "Europe´s cab-driving writer", beforehand, there was this massive moment of broken-heartedness, when she said, yes, do go to England, for here - here, there is nothing to get for you.

And, so I did.

I took my four rabbits - she also had a rabbit (I mean what are the odds two grown-up people meeting owning rabbits, isn´t that... destiny?) - and gave them English names, named them Flopsy, Mopsy, Peter and Cotton-tail, went to bulldog-country, got barked at, did the cab-licence, after I found out that Brighton & Hove, the town I had picked, has the toughest licence, with the exception of London, probably in all the world, and then thus did my little cab-driving. ("No, we don´t hate the Germans. We hate the French." (And then that French lady, who was slagging of the English for all the length of that half hour cab-ride...))

Yet, as it was my intention to do as many European countries as possible, I then went to Switzerland - my third country - and did the licence there, for Zurich - probably the second toughest licence to get in the world, per inhabitants.

But then two really tragic things happened!

Between me and that girl things escalated, well, basically all hell broke loose and again - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned - and it didn´t help that I tried to involve 70 Christian communities in my German town - Freiburg - begging them for their help for reconciliation, no one answered, wich makes christian believe phony, btw - which then even involved the Pope, the only German Pope in all history, who, by "just another meaningless coincidence" - a Douglas Adams quote - happens to be a huge fan of Freiburg, a city he knew well, and happens to come to visit it at that time, a once in a lifetime chance for me to try to involve him in this matter. Yet, it only led to the Kripo paying me a visit, asking what it was exactly I wanted with the Pope.

And then - the second tragic thing happening, Eoin Colfer, the Irish writer, was officially authorized to write a sixth volume, an honour that to me was denied, though my book had intrigued even DA´s half-brother, who I met on the forum "Douglas Adams Continuum", that led, both, to him "yelling" at me, and, being mentioned in secondary literature to H2G2 as I would be "planning to do a media campaign of intergalactic scale".

So, Colfer wrote a truly dreadful sequel, not in any way up to the book, that I had written - yet probably due to the fact that I had already used all the possibly brilliant ideas, which he then couldn´t use (so, as much as I curse this man, he might curse me even more.)

And then - there was that point in time, when my battery was kind of discharged, when I was too depressed to continue my cab-world record. Well, I tried to set foot in Geneva, in the French part of Switzerland, but it didn´t work out, I even lived for half a year in Fribourg, the Swiss Freiburg, but it didn´t help - and so I thought I´d come back to bull-dog country, it would be good for my rabbits, for there are plenty of gardens in England and I still had that hutch, I bought for them, left in Brighton.

But then - there was this man.

This man, telling me that, since my licence had expired - I couldn´t renew it, for it involved a UK-driver´s licence and at that time I held a Swiss one - I would have to do this licence all over again.

Then a lot died, back then.

My rabbits died, though they might have lived a few more years.
My hope for that girl died.
My expectations about my sixth volume died.
And my blind naive believe in love and justice died.

And then there was this man telling me they can´t make an exception, or better, they can, but they won´t, and "that rules must be followed".

And then something snapped, something inside me broke.

My former life had been destroyed, the love of my life had been taken from me, because of people like him, that didn´t care, for this whole thing between this girl and me would not have ended being so messed up, if people would have cared, who should have cared. I loved her and she loved me back and there once was a time when great and enduring love had payed off, but nowadays there are people who want to destroy society, so that chaos can take over and they made the hearts of those people turn to stone. And that girl was raised as a feminist, so a part in her loved me and the other part told her, that I am no good and I had to be punished.

I would have won her heart though, eventually, for I loved her more than anything in the world, but there are heartless and embittered and hateful people, who turned the loving kiss of Prince Charming into something wrong and unwanted, people, that would rather have Snow-White sleep forever and never wake up, than being rescued by a man, who loves.

For this is what those people are unable of - to love.They are unable to feel empathy.

Their hearts have been turned into stone.

This is what has destroyed my life and yet it didn´t make feel bitter, it only opened my view, even more, for all the struggle for peace and justice all over the world and this is what I have dedicated my new life to, for I am too old now to find happiness in a family of my own, with that woman, I love or any other, yet, it has not made me bitter, except moments of bitterness the bravest of men feel in their long fight - it has made me strong and determined.

And since then - I am just not willing to take it anymore.

So, sir, - you are saying we all have to follow the rules? And rules apply to all of us? So why does one percent of the world´s population has all the money, has all the power and makes all that rules - and the others have nothing, yet have to abide those rules, that one percent make?

No sirree! I won´t take it anymore! Take your rules and shove them... well, up to that place, where stupid rules needs to be shoved up!

Because I don´t want this anymore, this "oh, certainly, I know it would be very helpful and convenient for you if I would make an exception, so that you don´t have to lose another half year for doing the licence all over again" - and we all know a general exception from this rule for everybody in my situation would be very helpful, for everybody, even would people make go back to their home countries, instead of staying in Brighton, at times of slow business, renewing their licences each year - but - "I dont know you, I don´t like you and I just simply don´t want to grant you this favour. Because I don´t have to, because I have the power to deny it and I am backed by authorities and you can´t force me - for you are just one insignificant little [edited by admin], you don´t hold any power at all and of course the other driver´s won´t help you, because they just think for themselves, for the next day, for their takings and a little tip, there is no solidarity."

(Yes, that is, to anticipate the following, perhaps one of the saddest parts of the whole story, no one in the trade was enthused about what I had done then, at any point in time, most people never cared about it one way or another and yet - they should have, because there was something it it for all of them, it was the most beautiful display of civil resistance, leading the way to a better job for all, yes, to a better world. But, oh yes, they were all so absorbed in earning their little takings for that week and a little tip, perhaps.

Of course, this was entirely not an English/German thing, it has nothing to do with racism or nationalism, neither on my part, nor did I ever had the feeling they would do this to me just just because I am foreigner or especially a German (no one had any resentments about that, though I had talks about the war now and then, but it is long time now). Though of course a local guy in good terms with the HCO would not have had the same trouble, but this is another thing.

So don´t anyone British be thinking this guy is letting it out on us, he came to England, already p.issed off, because of things that had happened to him and then he thinks, why, the English are a rather high-nosed lot, so I pick a fight, why don´t I.

No I wasn´t , I had a lot of rage from the English actually let out on me, not because I was German, but a cab-driver, all these guy´s yelling, pointing the finger and honking, "you think you own the road, mate", never did this happen to me in Germany or Zurich, in Zurich least of all, Swiss people are still rather nice (in comparison) and have good manners.

Of course I preferred it to have happened in Germany, for it would make things easier and people might not be confused, but the British should think of it as England´s privilege and curse at the same time, English as world language - as people would come to England, in the first place, because English is world language (I did so), moreover, people will tend to make things public, more likely, that happened in England, than in their home country, well, because then it´s, right-away, a global thing, which can be shared globally.

So what happened, happened and couldn´t have happened any other way. (That´s a Matrix quote, btw., Morpheus said that))

To continue - this man, alright, telling me I had to renew the licence.
Then I said, no, I will not comply.

I will not follow your orders, sir, I will refuse to do so and I will give you instead the finest single piece of civil resistance the world has probably ever seen, it has nothing to do with what we have to see, to endure, nowadays, that stupid and naive people pester other people by blocking roads, giving civil resistance a bad name (but this is only the super-rich and -powerful´s agenda of world-dominion and -control, they are using these naive fools for).

No, I wanted to do something so beautiful, instead, a thing that stands out for it´s own, that will catch people´s attention and admiration already only for itself!

I told them - I refuse to do the licence all over again, for it does not make any fricking sense, but I give you instead the thing a cab-driver needs most, I will give you the best English a foreign driver, who was not a native speaker before, has ever had - and that I had proven already, for people never could believe that English was not my mother-tongue, they knew that I wasn´t from around, so a lot of them placed me to South Africa, actually - (perhaps that was because my colleague and land-lord at that time was from there and his way of talking had rubbed off on me).

And the other thing a driver needs most, of course, is his road-knowledge of the town he is driving in.

So, sir, I want to give you instead the finest knowledge a driver has ever displayed, I want to know that old town map of Brighton & Hove so well, that I am going to be able to draw the whole thing from out of my head, to tell all the 3000 odd roads, to rattle them down, from out of my head, without any help, in under 30 minutes. (I can´t do it any quicker, for the mouth only demands enough time to nunciate all these names.)

And so I did and so that is why I have done all this, what you can see in the video, it is not only a Guinness World record attempt and a thing of beauty by itself, it is a powerful act of civil resistance too and, yes, it should light a fire that could be seen all over the world, that shines for all time, it should be a beacon of hope to everybody, that we don´t want to follow rules, that don´t make any sense, that we want rules, instead, that were made so well that all will follow willingly and even the rich and powerful will have to abide them, if then there still is a richer and a more powerful.

Please help to spread this by sharing it!

Yours, Jochen Lembke

_________________
Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer and author of the best Hitch-hiker´s-Guide-to-the-Galaxy-volume-six ever written. Or else money back (haha.)


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