Taxi Driver Online

Dear so and so [taxpayer],
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt
reply to
our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you
raise.
I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as
a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as
a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always,
for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of
crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the
letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have
naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would
cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy
pirate banking houses and [edited by admin] gas-mongerers" might indicate that
your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of
emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised.
In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders
of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that,
a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great
Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the
nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of
truth
in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a
moment's
rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned
party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's
disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are,
in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is
spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing Lady of the Night"
whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for
example, "that box-ticking façade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to
do with the vagarie of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with
nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice
because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant,
the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially
unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any
way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to
point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul
jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the
money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,
W Anker
Head of Debt Recovery

very good