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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 6:42 pm 
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Just heard that ex-Manchester United striker Danny Welbeck's grandad was a bomb disposal expert in World War II.

Stan Welbeck

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:38 pm 
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Do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time?"

No, many begin with "If I am elected, I promise...."

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:40 am 
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Sad news from the Nestle factory today. A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues just cheered.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:41 am 
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edders23 wrote:
Do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time?"

No, many begin with "If I am elected, I promise...."



then theres

"the cheques in the post" and..

"i wont cum in your mouth"

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:23 am 
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 11:25 am 
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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 1:16 pm 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
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ah so that's what your missus looks like :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 9:26 pm 
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edders23 wrote:

ah so that's what your missus looks like :lol:



She models herself on yours

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 10:13 am 
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breaking news.................It has just been announced that M & S are to merge with poundstretchers

the new company will be called ...........Stretchmarks

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 10:14 am 
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wannabeeahack wrote:
edders23 wrote:

ah so that's what your missus looks like :lol:



She models herself on yours


that might be a bit difficult

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 5:14 pm 
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We’ve just acquired a new dog. We got him from a blacksmith, he was only in the house 2 mins and he made a bolt for the door!


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2019 10:16 am 
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My Mate got a 2nd place at a Fancy Dress contest dressed as Winston Churchill.

Close, but no Cigar.

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:37 pm 
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I say, I say, I say

I wont say I drive slow but i have to scrape flies off my rear window...

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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2019 8:39 pm 
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After hearing the dreadful joke from the Edinburgh fringe taking the mickey out of Tourette’s sufferers, I thought I’d call the Tourette’s society up and offer my services as a volunteer,,,,,,, they told me to “f##k o##”


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 Post subject: Re: New Jokes thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2019 9:31 am 
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Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the river Thames in London.........
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it"......''Well,' said the big Croc, What have you been eating"...?
"Politicians, same as you", replied the small Croc, 'And I can tell you how I catch them in the car park next to Parliament.....
I crawl up under one of their posh cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the sh!t out of them, and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See by the time you finish shaking the sh!t out of a politician, there's nothing left but an ar$ehole and a briefcase....

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